Nadir of Melancholy
by Shuurei
Summary: 1 Tsuzuki, 1 Hisoka, ¼ sap; ¼ fluff; ½ depression, ½ anxiety, ¾ yaoi and 2663 words and viola its TsuzukixHisoka fic. Just read it please.


**Disclaimer:** oh crap do I have to?... Yami no Matsuei characters belong to Matsushita-sensei. All hail to her and worship the path she treads upon.   


** Author's notes:** This is fluffy and sappy so in case you'll barf I've bought paper bags. *starts distributing it to the readers*. If at the end of the fic, you didn't use the paper bags you can either bring it with you as a token or return it to me so I can give it to another batch of readers. And yeah I also took some liberties along the way.   


**Warnings:** This is a TsuzukixHisoka fic meaning Tsuzuki who is a guy is being paired up with a guy named Hisoka. And when Tsuzuki comes first in the pairing then Tsuzuki is seme and Hisoka is the uke. When there is the mention of seme and uke, then it is YAOI. And when it is YAOI, then its malexmale pairing. Ah~ Did I already mention that Tsuzuki and Hisoka are males? Hehehehe OOCness perhaps anyway… Enjoy  


* * *

  


**Nadir of Melancholy**

Eyelids fluttered open revealing beautiful amethyst eyes that shine even in a room that is only being lit by few beams of light of early dawn. He swung his legs and sat on the edge of his bed. He leaned forward and rested his arms on his thighs. 

He was reminded with roses - flowers that were deceptively beautiful and thorny. He hated white roses knowing that soon those will be smeared and painted with blood. He hated red roses as well for they remind them of the blood that smeared the white ones. Roses are a reminder of his bitter past that he wanted to forget but couldn't. Yes they are a reminder just as Sakura trees a reminder of Hisoka's past. 

His happy-go-lucky façade hid his loneliness and sadness while his strength and powers hid his weaknesses and insecurities. He had these masks to fool everyone including himself, even if it's for awhile, that he was at peace with the whole damned world. 

But to his disgust, these façades didn't convince his partners to stay longer. It seems everybody wanted to distance themselves away from him and that's why he changed partners frequently and somehow it hurts. Perhaps it was his destiny and punishment to live alone, to be rejected and to be abandoned and somehow he was beginning to accept that until he met his new partner… Kurosaki Hisoka. 

Kurosaki Hisoka, the boy who'll be forever trap in a 16-year-old body. The boy who's a smart-aleck with an emphatic power, caustic tongue and an attitude problem. But despite his harshness, Tsuzuki couldn't help but slowly reach out to him and protect him. As days go by, the feeling of making the boy stay with him forever started growing within him in an alarming intensity. Somehow his partnership with Hisoka caused him to journey the guilt trip less often. And made him stand stronger against the waves of guilt that threatened to swallow him alive. Staying with Hisoka made him feel secure and it was nice to feel that way. 

The cases given to them made their partnership stronger and it was charming to know that. One particular day everything was calm and Tsuzuki liked it. But he should have known that such calmness precedes a storm… a storm represented by the Serial Murder Case in Kyoto. 

Doubts of his humanity and his insecurities rose up but Hisoka was there for him, assuring him that he was human and holding him protectively. It felt nice to be pampered, to be held the way Hisoka hold him even if it's for awhile. 

The guilt from his past and the guilt that came with the knowledge that thousands got involved and killed because of him were too great. And suddenly he found himself lost… found himself guilty as charged. And he let the waves of guilt crashed against him, allowed them to wash him overboard and carried him to the sea of self-loathing that completely swallowed him making sure he won't escape. He was filled with guilty and self-contempt just as Muraki planned and he unleashed the darkness within him just as the doctor wanted. Battered and defeated, he completely surrendered to the doctor. 

With nothing to live and fight for but so much to pay for, he decided to end his life taking Muraki with him in the process. He summoned Touda and gave his absolute command to burn everything… everything including himself and the bleeding doctor. 

His half-empty amethyst eyes looked at Touda who was ominously hovering above the burning place. He watched as fire hungrily devoured the place. He watched in satisfaction knowing those flames will soon burn his ageless body and end his suffering and meaningless existence. His death was just around the corner yet he couldn't wait anymore. He raised his arms, "More…burn more… reduce everything to ashes." he uttered to his servant, making it known how much he wanted to die. 

Amidst the noises of the crackling fire, he heard a desperate voice calling his name. The voice was so distant but so familiar. He wondered who owns it. It seems he had heard that voice for a lot of time and in different tones. He loved to hear that voice. 

"What are you doing you idiot? Hurry up and come here" he heard that voice. 

Amidst the infernal flames, he felt cold gaze on him. It was Hisoka's eyes. It was Hisoka with his face strangely calm but his eyes belied such calmness. In his green eyes, Tsuzuki saw despair, panic, pain, anger, betrayal and determination to die together with him. All these for him. It was really a heart-wrenching to see Hisoka like that. Even dazed, he thought Hisoka was like a proud ice standing at the center of the inferno. 

"No go back… You'll die if you stay" Tsuzuki said, not wanting to see his partner die. 

"Idiot!" he heard Hisoka shouted "There's no way I'm gonna see you die here" 

With tears in his eyes he said "I… just want to die now… It's enough Hisoka, I've live this long and I'm tired". 

One moment he was standing in front of him, the next the boy had already wrapped his arms around Tsuzuki, weeping and begging. 

"I'm not going back. I don't want to be alone" the boy said as he hugged Tsuzuki tight, "I decided a long time ago that… that my place to return to is here… by your side only". 

Tsuzuki's brain was already half-functioning and processing Hisoka's words took a long time. 

"Idiot" he heard Hisoka said "If you don't have anything to live for then live for me!". 

Somehow those words immediately reached Tsuzuki. Ending his suffering and his meaningless eternal life was really tempting but not as much as living for the one he loves. 

"Is it okay?" Tsuzuki asked and in reply Hisoka just nodded. 

_Alone… for him alone… living for him alone…_

Such idea was wonderful. His life now belongs to Hisoka and he won't have it in any other way. 

After the Kyoto accident, the changes between Hisoka and Tsuzuki weren't subtle. Despite Hisoka's acidic words and violent actions, Tsuzuki knew Hisoka cared for him deeply. And he knew it infuriated the younger boy that he always countered Hisoka's frown with a genuine smile only for the boy. He was already contented with what Hisoka offered yet he still wanted… 

"I love you" he uttered before he knew it to the boy last night. He watched in horror as Hisoka's head snapped at him. His carelessness tonight destroyed everything. He knew he was doomed when cold anger leaped in those emerald pools. He watched in a sickening acceptance as Hisoka grabbed the lapels of his coat. He knew at that moment, Hisoka will deliver his punishment. 

"Idiot!" Hisoka screamed then he lowered his voice in a whisper only Tsuzuki can hear, "What took you so long?". 

A baffled Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka who was smirking before he leaned on his toes and kissed the older shinigami shyly and tentatively. Tsuzuki smiled into the kiss before he took control and kissed Hisoka. 

Being loved by the person one love is a miracle…a blessing which is not bestowed to the descendants of darkness. Things were too good to be true. The happiness too real to be true. Descendants of darkness deserve no happiness. He knew that and he knew very soon the happiness will be wrenched away from him along with Hisoka. But he won't give up easily. Until his last ounce of strength and power and until his last breath, he'll fight for what are **his** or at least what **_he thought_** are **his**. And then when… 

"Idiot" someone said behind him as pale arms snake around his body. The naked chest pressed against his naked back. "What are you thinking?" Hisoka asked as if he didn't know what Tsuzuki was thinking, as if he wasn't awakened by Tsuzuki's depression. 

Tsuzuki leaned against the chest he had fondled last night. "Nothing" he replied as if he didn't know that Hisoka knows. 

"Liar" Hisoka said, "You deserve happiness just like everything in this world". 

Tsuzuki twisted his body halfway as he let his left arm wrapped around Hisoka's waist. He smiled before he kissed the boy passionately and pushed him back to his bed. 

He broke the kiss and nibbled Hisoka's chin then his jaw then his neck while his hands traveled on Hisoka's lithe body enflaming the boy at the same time memorizing every planes and curves. Tsuzuki's kisses seared his skin and his caresses engraved his claim on the boy. 

"Tsuzuki" Hisoka sighed._ His lovemaking is always different from that sick bastard. Muraki's was a sadistic and lustful one while Tsuzuki's is always passionately wild and a sweet torture._

Hisoka's guttural moans and sighs were ringing on his ears. The boy's lazy and erotic hand movements on his back were enough encouragement. He moved lower. Taking one nipple on his mouth and the other between his thumb and pointer finger completely ravishing it until it stood proudly. Then he licked his way lower and stopped on Hisoka's navel where he let his tongue swirled around it before plunging. Hisoka gasped as he felt Tsuzuki thrusting his tongue against his navel in a very suggestive manner that he felt like Tsuzuki's body was plunging into his. The toying ended and Tsuzuki's mouth descended. 

Hisoka can feel his lover's hot breath on his manhood and gasped when he felt the tip of Tsuzuki's tongue toying the tip of his manhood. He clamped his legs and covered his manhood with his hands. 

Tsuzuki was baffled. After all the things they did to each other and the things they did together last night, why now? 

"Hisoka" he said, his face hovering above the boy's face. Hisoka looked at him with eyes dazed with pleasure and passion. 

"I want you within me" a blushing Hisoka said "Fill me… complete me" he said as his finger entwined around strands of Tsuzuki's hair. Tsuzuki smiled and gave a butterfly kiss on the tip of his nose. Hisoka sucked on Tsuzuki's nape, marking him as his just like what Tsuzuki did to him. 

"Mine" he murmured after his task was done. 

"Yours" Tsuzuki replied before he grabbed some lotion. 

His lotion-coated finger rubbed its way against Hisoka's puckered opening, loosening its tightness. Few seconds later, another lotion-coated finger followed, stretching him. Tsuzuki's other hand was rubbing and toying Hisoka's perineum making the boy pant and struggle against his hand. 

When Hisoka was already ready, Tsuzuki coated his hardened cock with liberal amount of lotion. Seeing Hisoka flushed with passion and in wild abandonment almost made Tsuzuki jerked himself off. ALMOST… He positioned himself between Hisoka's lean legs and lifted his waist. Hisoka automatically spread his legs wider. In painful gentleness, Tsuzuki started penetrating him. Hisoka's face crinkled as he felt the pain accompanying such penetration while Tsuzuki's face scrunched a little bit as Hisoka's heat and tightness completely enveloped his manhood. 

When he was already used to such penetration, Hisoka wrapped his legs around Tsuzuki's waist to accommodate the older shinigami deeper to the point he'll touch Hisoka's heart. His heels were digging the older shinigami's back. Tsuzuki move a bit and he knew he hit Hisoka's G-spot when those green-eyes involuntarily dilate in pleasure. He started slowly moving against the boy. _This is like a dream that will soon disappear together with the dawn_, Tsuzuki thought 

"Baka!" Hisoka scolded in a raspy voice, "how many times do I have to tell you that this is not a dream?", his waist started rocking against the older man's. 

"Tell it to me once more" Tsuzuki said in a passion-filled velvety voice. And Hisoka did by being so vocal. 

Hisoka sighed Tsuzuki's name which punctuated with gasps and moans. His vocal reactions were aphrodisiac to Tsuzuki making his thrusts deeper and harder. Hisoka tightened his hold of Tsuzuki's torsos making his knuckles white and his lover's face crinkled in pain. But that raw pain mingled with the pleasure and Tsuzuki can no longer distinguished both from each other. 

Hisoka's hold on Tsuzuki's loosened as he let his hand run along Tsuzuki's torso and stopped by his hand. He lifted their hands, palm against palm and fingers against fingers. "Together", Hisoka murmured then he moved his hand slightly to the side so the gaps between their fingers would be filled by the other's fingers, "We are one" he continued then he let their fingers twined, "Forever…". 

Tsuzuki panted as he endlessly rammed against the boy's prostrate while the writhing boy beneath him were moaning and sighing like there was no tomorrow. Tsuzuki's hand slid between their bodies as he started jerking Hisoka off in the same wild rhythm as his thrust. 

They were both racing together side by side to their place behind the stars. Shouts mingled as they reached the place together. Spent, Tsuzuki slumped against the chest of a sated Hisoka who held him. 

Slowly their souls floated back to the embers of their passion, the scent of sweat and sex mercilessly clung in the air. Gaining strength enough to move, Tsuzuki rolled them on his back so the boy would lie on top of him. Still intimately connected, they evened their breathing. 

"I can die happy" Tsuzuki murmured as he lazily combed Hisoka's soft hair with his hand. 

Hisoka slammed his fist on Tsuzuki's chest none too gently. "Idiot then we won't be able to do this together again". 

A chuckle rumbled from Tsuzuki's chest as he felt Hisoka's cheeks turned red as the boy realized what he had just said. 

"You are so cute Hisoka". 

Hisoka pushed himself up on his elbow as he looked at Tsuzuki. 

"I won't leave you" the boy assured the man but in those green eyes Tsuzuki can read 'so don't let me go' and the older shinigami knew the younger one also needed assurance. 

"I won't… so never asked me to let you go much less leave you". 

They are at their best and so are things. In this situation their future was as bright as the sun. 

"I love you Hisoka, you know that don't you?" 

"Of course. I love you too" Hisoka replied as he nuzzled his cheek against Tsuzuki's chest. 

_Let us be happy together just like this even if we don't deserved such happiness_ they said in a silent prayer as they were lulled to sleepy by the scent of their passion and synchronize beating of their hearts. 

Definitely, ** HEAVEN** is actually one's place beside one's dearest and is also the love they share with each other. 

**:: end ::**   


* * *

  


I'm sorry for the low quality of this fic, I'm in a very depressed mood *waves the hand that bears the evidence of sick perversion overload* 

I know, I know, I know. The title suck but I think it is more appropriate than "One" or "Heaven". And I'm sure you're thinking this fic belongs to the Angst category instead of Romance but can you just tolerate my decision for now? ^_^ 

Reviews are welcome but please don't be so harsh unless you want me going after you in a berserk mode. :: February 5, 2004 :: 


End file.
